It has been one of those days. You know the one, where it seems like you can’t do anything right? I headed to the gym after dropping off P at his school. I was nearing the gym when I stopped at a four way stop, which is law by the way. There was a woman on a bike that was angrily waving her arm at me to roll through the stop sign so she could cross the street without stopping her bike. My obeying the law was an inconvenience to her. I felt myself get angry. I even had the thought that I hope I see her when I park so I could tell her that I wasn’t going to break the law so we could cross paths on her schedule. This coming after already dealing with P and his separation anxiety at school.
Jump to post workout, and I’m walking out of the women’s locker room. There is a sign on the locker room door that says PLEASE OPEN WITH CAUTION. It’s very easy to run into another woman coming or going from the locker room. My fear is that I will one day knock someone out because I have pushed the door into her head. Well today, I almost did, but not on purpose. There was a woman on the other side of the door about to grab the handle as I swung the door open. I politely said excuse me, with a knowing that my opening the door almost hit her. She stood there stopping us both, turned and looked at the sign and looked back me and said, “well I guess you didn’t open with caution.” Disdain hanging on her words. I walked on, pretending not to hear her, but before I was out of the front door, I was crying!
I got to the car, tears rolling down my cheeks and couldn’t, for the life of me, figure out why. I was irritated by the biker and now this woman made me cry. I looked in the mirror and knew I needed to take a real hard look at myself. I had been shamed. They are making me feel bad. Like I did something wrong. Like I should be ashamed or embarrassed for stopping at stop sign and walking out of the locker room door.
Are you rooted in scarcity?
It was absolutely ridiculous. I was being absolutely ridiculous. Why is it that total strangers can have such an affect on who we are? The answer is this. We are not rooted in authenticity. These emotions come from being rooted in scarcity. Scarcity meaning that we need people’s approval in order to be ok. In order to function. In order to be happy. If I were rooted in self love and compassion I would have been able to say, gosh those woman are having a bad day. I hope their day gets better, and feel like it had absolutely nothing to do with me. Because the truth is, neither of those situations did. But I made it about me because the scarcity mentality is my guide point these days.
The experience this morning is a great reminder that I need to sit in my own authenticity. To sit with myself in love and compassion, and sit with myself to see exactly who I am. So I’m taking a step back and practicing self compassion by returning to my body. I am shifting back from being motivated by others to being internally driven.
PLEASE THINK WITH CAUTION
I practice this through an exercise called Climb Back Into Your Body. It’s as simple as breathing. Really! I set an alarm to go off five different times throughout the day. When the alarm goes off, I stop what I’m doing and take ten deep breaths. I literally feel the air in my body. It takes a few moments to get to ten, but it is completely grounding and brings me back to my own internal compass. Seems easy enough right? That’s because it is. When we take ten deep breaths we activate the parasympathetic nervous system, which helps right our emotional ship.
Do you ever have days like this? I encourage you to climb back into your body too!